


Answers At The Bottom Of A Bottle

by KazOfScotland



Series: KCAWS 30 Days Autumn Writing 2020 [16]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: 31 days of writing, Depression, Gen, Keep Calm and Write Something, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:41:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazOfScotland/pseuds/KazOfScotland
Summary: He knows what it is. But he’s not strong enough to ask for help. But maybe in the end he doesn’t have to.*Read the Tags before reading for TWs*
Relationships: Eric "E-Train" Russo & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: KCAWS 30 Days Autumn Writing 2020 [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948771
Comments: 9
Kudos: 57
Collections: 31 Days of Writing Challenge - Fall 2020





	Answers At The Bottom Of A Bottle

Honestly, Danny had thought that he was hiding it well. The dark cloud that hung over him, the fact that some days he just couldn’t bring himself to leave the comforting embrace of his bed and covers, that when things got really bad he made sure that he stayed around people so that he didn’t eat a bullet for his troubles. He thought that he was hiding it all.

He knew that he could tell Steve, and for as much as the man was an animal, he would try to understand and do whatever he could to help. But instead of opening up, instead of asking for help, he decided that it was easier to look to the bottom of a bottle.

It was easier to find solace at the bottom of the bottle. There were no answers there but there was a numbness that would finally let his eyes close to the darkness. He never got so drunk that he couldn’t work, or that he would miss it if Grace or Charlie, or hell even Eric needed him.

A couple of bottles of beer, maybe a can or two of cider. Just enough to take the edge off. Without it he would sit there all night debating if he wanted to eat a bullet or see how many times it took for a razor blade to numb him.

He knew what it was. Eric knew what it was. And if the way Steve was acting was any indication then Steve knew what it was. Depression and too many loses over too short a time. Too many failures that he would never feel like he had made up for.

He had failed Grace, his monkey by not being able to protect her from Petersen. He failed Eric, his nephew who he had practically raised, by leaving him in New Jersey where he knew that his sister, Stella, would never be able to be the parent that Eric needed. He failed Stella and Bridget by leaving them to deal with all of the family drama. He failed Charlie by never pushing to find out his true paternity until it was too late.

Too many failures. Grace. Eric. Charlie. Matty. Stella. Bridget. Rachel. Everyone.

Tonight was one of those nights where he didn’t know if he would make it through. All he wanted was the peace and tranquility that he knew he wouldn’t get in his life. He wanted the darkness to leave and allow him to be happy. 

He was ready to go. He had spoken to his Monkey and Charlie as he normally did, he made sure that they knew that he loved him. He had tidied his apartment, after all he didn’t want to make it harder on Eric, who was living with him once again, than it had to be. He had written his goodbye note. And now he was sitting there ready to eat a bullet, all that was left now was one last drink for the road. A finally toast to the end of his hell on earth.

He didn’t hear the door opening, didn’t realise that anyone was there or that Eric was coming home that night, until he felt a weight crash against him. The weight knocked his gun to the floor and jammed him against the arm of his couch. He turned his head to see Eric pushing him away from his gun. This wasn’t what he had wanted. He hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone. Least of all his nephew or family.

“It’s going to be okay, Uncle D.” And with that promise leaving Eric, everything suddenly sped up. He could feel the alcohol he had consumed leaving his system. The look and sound of heartbreak from Eric enough to tug at that paternal instinct to protect, to help, to fix.

He missed when it happened. But at some point Eric must have contacted Steve because it wasn’t long after Eric had arrived home that the SEAL came charging through the front door. In the short time that had passed, or maybe it was a long time, Danny wasn’t sure whether his grasp of time was accurate or not, Eric had moved everything that he deemed a danger at that moment away from his uncle.

He wasn’t okay. But if the stubborn looks that both Eric and Steve were giving him was any indication of how this would turn out. He was pretty sure they’d push him to the help that he needed


End file.
